Have you had sex with a ladyboy? Experienced after sex guilt? A recurring question, if I like ladyboys am I gay?* Technically, if you are attracted to transsexual women, t-girls, ladyboys, as they call them… You are not gay. Why? I know this short statement is not enough and it brings up internal conflicts, questioning your masculinity and sexuality and so on. Let’s go to find these answers
I know these feelings, I’ve been there just like you… I’m a man attracted to transsexual as well
Why do most people think being attracted to ladyboys is a homosexual attraction?
I’m sure you can find the answers your own, just look on the internet or read some books on sexual orientation and gender identity. But let me share with you what I learned trough the years and answer some questions. Here my friend Maki has something to tell us about sexual orientation and gender identity
(MOBILE USER: In case of black screen, to play the video go to —> Browser Option > Settings > Java Script > Activate. Sometimes this setting is not turned on by default to decrease page loading by some mobile system like: Android or some internet browser like Firefox Mozilla)
Most people tend to think that being attracted to transsexual girls pre-op or non-op (male to female ) is something like being homosexual. Because the common case about ladyboys pre-op, means they still have male genitalia. For these reasons you may feel somehow wrong with yourself, and worst case rejecting your attraction. But if you are like me… surely you are heading to depression if you keep denying who you are… a gay? No, you are not! This is the first mistake you do, and I also did in my teenage. I know just these words don’t make you feel any better. You need some better explanations, examples, and more answers! Then just read what’s following.
We need first to understand a bunch of things like:
- Sexual orientations
- Gender identity
- Public opinion and social culture influence
- Your personal knowledge
Most people think and say that you are gay if you like ladyboys right? That’s one fear you have when you like dating ladyboys! You give too much importance of what people could say about you. Stop minding ignorant people and get informed!
Public opinion and social culture influence
Some of us struggling to find answers all about these matters. Especially those guys who recognize their attraction to ladyboys and feeling they would be truly happy with a special girlfriend. Unfortunately, most of us are heavily conditioned by what people says. Who less who more, the social culture where we living play a big role. If you are westerner like me, grown with Catholic education, or living in some country where there are anti-gay laws ( like Russia ) and not same-sex marriage allowed… You are probably going to meet many people who will discriminate your sexual preferences or worse bully you and your ladyboy girlfriend! Even more influenced, if you are a straight man like me, and you don’t have any gay friend or transsexual, and you didn’t come out yet.
This was my scenario and what I’ve experienced in my teenage until I got acknowledge until I did coming out and stopped to mind what people would think or say about me! But one day I chose to be happy!
The fear of what people think and says
The fear of what people could think or tell you is what conditioning the way you to live your life, and preventing to live it to the fullest and happy! Even living in the recent years, where people are more respectful and tolerating, You may still find people who are yet in the past century mindset and taboo. These people may call you gay, pervert, or something like that if they know your sexual preferences or having a ladyboy girlfriend. Probably the biggest fear to face is telling that to your family and friends.
Can I make you feel a little better if I tell you that even ladyboys may face the same situation? We going to see that pretty soon! But…
First of all, let me tell you this again, you shall not consider yourself as Gay. Stick it in mid, next paragraph I will explain to you why even better.
The reasons we have seen till now most of the times are those that probably will make you stop looking for the girl of your dreams and living truly happy. Then, you somehow refuse your attraction and the worst case. Forcing yourself living with somebody who is not really what you wish to be with. Think how hilarious it is! Even ladyboys or transgender feel that way and may face the same problems. Let’s make an analogy.
Ladyboys, transgenders T-Girls forced to live trapped twice
I guess you heard already that ladyboys feel like women trapped in a man body?
There are ladyboys, or transgender living forced as gay man for the same reasons mentioned till now. Some transvestite or crossdresser may aspire to be transgender women, but for your same reason are forced to live in a different way. Could be even for family matters, your parents may be accepting you as gay, but not as ladyboy! Even at work, your boss may not accept transgenders!
Then, the fear of rejection, social discriminations, and problems to get a job can be the reasons that force you to live differently. If you now consider that their gender identity is feminine, and could end to live forced as gay guy, this what I call living life trapped twice
This is not right, for sure. Everybody deserve equal opportunities, respect, and chance to be happy. That’s one of the reasons why this blog exists. It is dedicated most to guys, but since I have today many friends who are ladyboys, I hope these considerations will help both. I have been myself in a love relationship with ladyboys. I’ve experienced all of this, and of course, I was not feeling much ok until I got better informed and met good friends who are like me. I do hope, that knowing you are not alone, will give you some courage and make you feel a little better. Next!
Sexual orientations, trans-oriented man, pansexuality, third gender
So, if I’m not gay, what am I? Good question! It’s the same issue that tormented myself for a long time when I was a teenager. Have you ever heard the definitions or terms like trans-oriented man and pansexuality?
I guess you know already that ladyboy is just the familiar name to address transsexual women in Asia, from Thailand or Philippines for example. If you have been already in some Asian countries for work travel or holidays, probably you have noticed how different the LGBT is ( lesbo, gay, bi-sex, trans ) reality / scene compared to the west side of the world. In some countries like Thailand, transgender women are recognized as third-gender, and men who are attracted to ladyboys as a pansexual or trans-oriented man. (In coming weeks I’ll be writing something more about this culture and relative terms, Join my newsletter on the box below to don’t lose next! 😉 )
What do these terms stand for?
The Third Gender or Sex, ladyboys are not transvestites
That’s how ladyboys in Asia are recognized, as third sex or third gender. They are not transvestites or crossdresser. Ladyboys live their life as women 24 for 7 with pride, where instead crossdresser or travesties are more about following a sexual fantasy, as for gay people who like to dress female in intimacy playing the woman role. Of course, if you are used to seeing transsexuals in your west country, they may seem more masculine compared to their Asian sisters. Somehow this could make you confused because they look more like a cross-dresser or Drag Queen rather a ladyboy. For this case I’ll write a detailed article about the differences of being a transvestite and transsexual, and most important why being transsexual on the west side is tougher.
Transgender and Transsexual are equivalent terms referring a person to gender identity that doesn’t match with their biological sex( though, there some small difference, will see those in another article). Many times transgender MTF may even look natural feminine, and gender identity is what influence their attitude, manners, mind, soul, and heart, which make them not less than any genetic woman. Becoming transsexual is just the need to adjust what nature did not give them at birth, and make their appearance match to their gender identity as woman! And that’s how you should treat them always, and consider your special attraction.
Is then being ladyboy a choice?
YES and NOT! If you understood well till now, your question should be answered already. Have you ever heard about androgyny? For my personal knowledge, the androgyny and transsexualism began with a genetic “anomaly“. It is not a disease. When in a male body the percentage of XX chromosome are above XY male one, is when the so-called “gender disorder” and androgyny appear. Then, being feminine is simply natural, and becoming transsexual is just the natural path to follow. The transition process is the courageous choice they make to live the life as who they are… women
I like ladyboys am I gay?
Even with all the explanations provided till now, the topic is Is always an open debate towards heterosexual communities and even LGBT. Questioning yourself about this matter is something really important to confront with. Understanding your sexual orientation, will help you to live a better life, and better love relationship with your future ladyboy girlfriend. More than most, you will learn the pure meaning of self-acceptance, and not minding anymore the stares and opinions of ignorant people.
If you feel somehow still affected by here, I have something else to tell you. Why you shall be not considering yourself gay.
I want to make you think now what’s following and find the answers your own. Do you like dating ladyboys because they are so feminine, sexy and passable? Don’t they turn you on and makes you feel so aroused and excited because they look like beautiful women? Not because they look like a man right? I guess this is already an enough reason you shouldn’t consider yourself gay.
They may still have their male genitalia, but this is just what’s make them so unique and extraordinary. You should accept this particular detail because this what makes them a woman of Third gender. You shouldn’t define your sexual orientation because of this small detail between her legs. On the other hand, if you are not attracted by muscles, hairy body, beard, male manners, and masculinity you are not gay.